DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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