So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
