I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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