I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize