i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
