there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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