you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
