well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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