how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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