I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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