If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
