It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
