it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my being single is dangerous.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
