After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
