suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
