Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
