While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ttyl tear gas
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
