At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
