I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
