last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
