Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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