Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just shit out all my problems.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize