she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
