one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
