kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
