Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
