My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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