this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Found the puke drawer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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