And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
