Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
