dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
