A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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