I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
