He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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