did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I sprained my soul last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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