dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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