am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
