Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
