If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize