i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
