If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
