just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
