He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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