sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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