So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
