Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
