...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
