why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
