I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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