Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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