Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
