Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
