I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I AM VODKA MAN
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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