mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
