Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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