he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
