My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
