I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
