i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
