I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
