we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
