This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
