i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
