Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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