I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
