WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
