So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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