You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
