I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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