Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
