Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
