Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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