Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
