it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
