you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
