All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
