just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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