had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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