She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
