The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
