fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
