It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
