Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize