I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
