All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
