Moan for me like Helen Keller
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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