u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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