I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
