Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
