I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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