last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i think im in europe. pls send help
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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