My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
