The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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