Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
