Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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