Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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