She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
