I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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