i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize