You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
