Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
