she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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