Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
