I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
