This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
